Teen Questions and Answers About Dating
Teen Questions and Answers
While many in the Church of God do not date in their teens, we decided to cover a few questions teens have had in the past as well as more recent concerns.
The following was the question the old Worldwide Church of God said it got from teens more often than any other:
Q. I am crazy about this really cute guy (or gal), but he (she) doesn‘t seem to know I exist. How can I get him (her) to notice me and like me?
A. The answer is that you can’t. That’s right, you can’t get someone of the opposite sex to like you.
Don’t misunderstand. This doesn’t mean you are helpless to find friends of the opposite sex, or that you are doomed to a life of loneliness. There is much you can and should do if you want to have friends (Proverbs 18:24) and someday find an appropriate spouse.
In time, the person you have interest in may end up being interested in you. But you cannot force that.
You might be able to get them to notice you, but depending on them and what you do, you may turn them away from you instead of towards you.
It’s not a matter of what you can get. It’s a matter of what you can give.
If you are a giver, other givers will tend to be attracted to you (as will takers—so be cautious about prematurely settling for someone just because they may pay attention to you).
Q. Is it okay to wear more revealing clothes or buy an impressive car to get someone’s romantic interest?
A. No.
Even if you can get someone’s attention by your appearance, the car you may drive, money, smooth conversational skills, etc. that will not make them like you or truly love you.
Do you really want to marry someone that you have impressed by making yourself look seductive or by the car you drive?
If you flaunt your body or your money, eventually the one you attract is likely to leave for one who flaunts ‘better’ than you.
Consider also that the Bible teaches:
22 Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22)
Christians are to have a pure heart and not pursue youthful lusts.
Those who are mainly attracted by lusts of the flesh tend to let their lusts control them and are not likely to stay with you. Those with wandering eyes, tend to continue to wander.
A Christian man does not want an immoral lust provoking seductress as his wife.
Q. Many of my friends are engaging in sexting. That’s okay, right?
A. While we realize that many teens engage in sexting, and some ‘authorities’ claim that this is a good thing (e.g. Teen sexting may be more common than you think. Reuters, February 27, 2018), no it is not.
Sexting is essentially a form of lust-inciting pornography and is not appropriate (cf. 1 Timothy 2:9; Matthew 5:28).
For those who are unfamiliar with the term, sexting is sending, receiving, or forwarding sexually explicit messages, photographs or images, primarily between mobile phones and/or other electronic devices.
Do not ‘date’ by, nor with, sexting.
Furthermore, realize that although many think that sexting is “cute,” if you engage in this there can be images of you in ways you do not want everyone to see for a very long time.
Sexting is wrong and the consequences are not worth it.
Q. My parents don’t like the guy I’m dating and are trying to split us up. Why don’t they want me to have fun and be happy?
A. If your parents disapprove of your friend, be cautious! Your parents probably do want you to be happy. They have likely seen similar situations – perhaps in their own experience – where someone has been deeply hurt, and they don’t want that to happen to you.
Realize that your parents know you better in many ways than you know yourself. Also realize that they were once teens themselves. They’ve seen more of the trap doors and problems of life than you have.
Consider their advice seriously. Talk to them calmly when both you and they have the time. Ask them to explain why they do not care for your friend. If you will listen to them, you might be able to learn a bit more about yourself, and about your friend. And you can avoid the heartaches many have reaped because they ignore what can be the best source of personal dating advice available outside of the Bible – parents!
Q. So many guys today seem to think dating and sexual intercourse automatically go together. I haven’t given in to my boyfriend yet, but I’m feeling the pressure and I don‘t want to lose him. Can you help me?
A. God’s law forbids premarital sex (Exodus 20:14, 1 Corinthians 6:8). Having sex before marriage is a grave mistake many regret later in life.
Look at this letter, for example:
I always thought of myself as a nice girl because I wouldn’t go “all the way.” With every new boyfriend, necking became just the thing to do. But also with each it became less exciting …
About four years ago after losing my virginity, I met the man who would become my husband. I cannot put into words how much I love this man. However, there is a major problem. Because of my previous sexual experience, my senses are deadened. How I wish I could go back and erase all the relationships I had with other men. What a true blessing it must be to have a wonderful sexual life with your mate!”
The young woman who wrote the letter above points out just one sad result of premarital sexual experimentation. There are many others, including un- wanted pregnancy, abortion, and a vast array of sexually transmissible diseases.
If the young man you are dating doesn’t respect you enough not to stay with you unless you will engage in premarital sex, how much do you think he really cares about you?
You will have to decide what you value more – the temporary (and it tends to be just that, despite promises of permanency) attention of a guy or your chance for personal happiness for many years to come. Men will have to decide whether to indulge in temporary physical pleasure now or to buck the crowd and wait to enjoy sex with that one special woman in a loving marriage, as God intended.
Christians know what God teaches on this.
Choose God’s way of life and you will not regret it!
Q. Others in the Church have ignored what it recommended related to dating and marriage, and gotten married. Why shouldn’t I do that?
A. Most who ignore God’s principles relating to dating and marriage, will have regrets—major regrets.
Many will get divorced. Many will have numerous problems and will one day wish that they did things God’s way.
Consider:
19 Do not fret because of evildoers, Nor be envious of the wicked; 20 For there will be no prospect for the evil man; The lamp of the wicked will be put out. (Proverbs 24:19-20)
It really does not end up better for people who will not trust God.
The Apostle John wrote:
19 We love Him because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19)
We are able to respond to God because He loved us first. That sets the major pattern for all human relationships, including male-female interaction.
For more information on Christian dating check out the following:
Dating: A key to success in marriage, A practical guide to dating for Christians This booklet discusses the art of Christian dating and preparation for marriage. It discusses many aspects of dating, as well as who to not consider for marriage.
Two related sermons are available: The Art of Christian Dating. and No One to Date? Teen Q&A? Engagement? 2nd Marriage?
A short animation is also available: First Date: Worldly vs. Christian.